Thursday, October 23, 2008

The struggle continues for my mom

The past 2 weeks have been really hard and crazy with things going on with my mom's health. Its been a depressing time with lots of long nights of worry and despair on my end. I'm a very optimistic person but the past 2 weeks tested that as I saw my mom weak not only physically but mentally and spiritually as well. The physical weakness is to be expected after all she's been through but it was the mental and spiritual weakness that worried me because without that, one can't fight back to get better. I can understand how she got there after everything she's been through in the past few months but its still not anything you want to see a loved one go through. I felt helpless but I tried to be there for her as much as I could, to let her know that not only I was there and cared but also to remind her that she had her grand-daughters to think about and fight for. I was able to convince her to finally accept to go to a physical therapy center for rehabilitation. She had been refusing to do this for the longest and I kept on urging her to do it because at the hospital and at home, she was not going to do what she needed to do to get stronger but at a rehab place they would push her to exercise and begin moving and feeling vital again. She was transferred on Friday 10/17 to the rehab place and began her physical therapy on Monday. She's already showing signs of getting her old self back and that is such a huge relief!!! Knowing how it goes, I know that she'll have some setbacks along the way but I also know that once she begins to see some results and starts to feel better that will push her to do more and that's what we want. So, coming full circle I am back to being optimistic! Its been a crazy time but I hope to end this year with my mom home and healthy for the holidays! That's all I want right now.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Back to blogging but first let's step back a bit

Hey everyone,

Been a long time since my last post but before I begin let me just pick up where I was before... I'm glad that David Cook won. I love his song "The time of my life" and the message it has. I wish him the best in his career. David A.'s song "Crush" is nice and I wish him nothing but the best of course as I wish almost anyone striving for their dreams.


It's been a rough past few months. Before I get to that though, I must backtrack a bit to explain what else has been going on with your favorite artist (that's me I hope!). Last year was a very rough year for me, was going through a serious rough patch in my marriage that in the end worked itself out but during that time I had stopped doing my music and working with my other artists. That in turned made my year rougher as the thing that fills my soul with purpose and life had faded. As things got better on the personal front, I found myself needing to get back to that other side of my personal life that I felt I had neglected. I felt frustrated, sad and a bit angry with myself that I had let that happen but family had to come first so I don't regret that. Still, I found it hard to get back to where my head was at before 2007 happened. Slowly but surely and through much introspection and frustration, I found the artist inside and began working towards getting to work on new music and working with new artists. I must admit that it took a long while to get there, much longer than I would have ever imagined. Anyway, so here I was ready to finally get back to things when life decided to throw another curveball my way...

My mom, who had a heart attack and open heart surgery 10 years ago, began having health issues starting back in June when she passed out at her doorstep after coming home from the store on a very hot day. All sorts of tests were done including a stress test and everything seemed fine but in my heart I felt that this would only be the beginning. Man, do I hate being right! Over the past few months my mom has been hospitalized 6 - 7 times (I've lost track already!) with various problems and complications from those initial problems. Some of the more recent issues have been more serious including gall bladder surgery which she had complications from and wound in ICU for almost a week and then they found an obstruction in her artery that required an angioplasty. Even after all this, she's already been back to the hospital for stays 2x more and she's in the hospital now with another complication from everything she's been through. I tell you, its been very rough and I almost feel like a hospital worker with how much I've been to the hospital in the past few months. I've not only had to be there to keep my stepdad and brother informed and calm, informed, etc. - I've also had to do that with my own family, more specifically my girls and its been rough being strong for them and at the same time trying to keep them informed. I can't just tell them that their grandma will be ok when she keeps winding up back in the hospital so that makes it harder for me since I don't lie to my kids. Kids are smart and they can tell if you're not being straight with them so I try to be as straight with them as possible without making them worry too much. So, its been rough on all us. I've wanted to get back to my music, I feel ready, I feel its time, I feel I need to BUT I can't while all this is going on. I have to let this play out and see what God has planned for my mom and my family first and foremost.

I want to thank everyone, my friends and all my MySpace friends who have done an awesome job of lending me support and encouragement through these tough times. Its in tough times where you see who your real friends are and I feel truly blessed to have friends and fans that have taken me and my family's troubles to heart. Thank you for all the messages, e-mails, comments and prayers - it has done my soul a lot of good to see such good hearted friends and fans there for me. THANK YOU.