Friday, January 2, 2009

A not so merry Xmas and not so happy new year

Well, my mom's health issues have continued. Since my last post about my mom in October, she had 2 hospital stays while in rehab. She had one in November that set her back a bit but she came back from that hospital stay more determined than ever to get her health back and not lose any of the progress she had gained to that point. It was good to see, it made us all optimistic. However, in December she developed a cold (probably from visitors seeing their relatives) and it got progressively worse until she was admitted back into the hospital again, this time on Xmas eve. It was a very sad day for my family because we had all, my mom included, planned to have my mom home for Xmas. Indeed, she had even been told that should could get a day pass for 2 days to spend Xmas at home but with her health not good, my mom had decided against it. Still, we rather she had been at the rehab place than in the hospital! Needless to say it was a very sad and bittersweet Xmas for my family. I did my best to put on a brave face but I had my breakdown moments in private. Thank god for my kids and seeing their happiness at getting their xmas presents. Their smiles and happiness made me forget everything for a little while. My kids can always do that for me.

My mom was back at the rehab place before New Year so that was good. She was back at the rehab place on the date of my grandmother's (her mom) death, and I must say that December has always been a hard time for me since her death over 20 years ago. This December has been especially hard and I've been even more reserved and quiet than I usually get this time of year. Also making it hard is seeing that people I thought I could count on weren't as there for me as I thought they were. Lesson learned I guess. I must say though that people that I barely knew, at least in person, such as my MySpace friends were extremely amazing in how they showed they cared, supported me and showed that for my mom and me through their thoughts and prayers. Really amazing and meant so much to me. However, back to what I was saying... having my mom there on New Year's was hard. On New Year's I usually look back on the year and evaluate what I've done, haven't done, what's gone on throughout the year, etc. and just thinking of my mom still not home as the New Year began and the old year ended made me really sad for her. My family has a tradition where we all call each other within minutes of the New Year's ball drop and not being able to call her and not hearing her voice really made me sad and I had to retreat in private to compose myself. My stepfather has had it especially hard through all this so we spoke to him for a bit on New Year's and I think it really made him happy. That's all I can ask. I've gotten very close to him through all this with mom. Gotten closer to my brother as well, its been tough on all of us.